if I was cute little kid, i would show you the painting i did for you
but i’m up in the air, i’m not here and not there
if i was a sad-eyed eighteen, i would cut all the holes in your jeans for you
but now what can i say, i’m too little too late
if i was a middle-aged man i would buy you a new minivan or two
but i’m stumbling around, with one foot on the ground
if i was a hundred and three, i would share all my boring stories with you
but you caught me too soon, darling what can i do
all along i did what i could
but you tell me my timing’s no good, who knew
if i was marty mcfly, i would go back to when we were nine or ten
and i’d be your best friend, say that i knew you when
if i was a ghost on your hall i would haunt you and walk through your walls at night
but i’m flesh and i’m bone and i’m still as a stone
- “Who Knew” by You Won’t
"I guess my sister assumed that mom had given me that same sex-ed lesson she had given her, and added: “You know sex. A penis goes in a vagina.”"
How I Learned What Sex Was | The Hairpin
LOL, this is pretty much how light dawned on me too, from a casual comment from an older sibling. And of course, I remember replying, defensively, “I know!” But before that I too only “understood sex to involve a vague rubbing together of bodies” like Molly Langmuir.
"I mumbled nervously, “I’m Cassie.” But Mr. X, who was on the other side of the room, didn’t quite hear me and so he confirmed, “Jason?” I don’t know the exact calculations my 8-year-old brain did in that moment, but I somehow concluded that it was easier to pretend to be a person of AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT GENDER than to correct the teacher. “Yes. I’m Jason,” I replied with a straight face, even as I felt my soul crumple into a tiny raisin of shame."
The Best Lie I Told as a Child | The Hairpin
That is so hilarious. WTF?! I can’t believe the other kids didn’t say anything.
"This was at a time when I didn’t really do anything but read books and wear mismatched socks on purpose, so I had no special talent except maybe talking about Greek mythology for hours on end."
The Best Time a Negligible Cultural Thing Caused Me Literally Years of Torment | The Hairpin