Earlier, I offered you a black bean and goat cheese quesadilla and flirted shamelessly. Now, as you reach for a baked brie tart with pecans, I’m talking about inflammatory bowel disease and Ayn Rand.
When you ask me where the bathroom is, I tell you on 79th and Riverside, which is your address.
I excuse myself to go check on the baby even though I haven’t been fertile for a decade."
LOL! Ah, Hairpin, I’ve missed you… Sorry I’ve been neglecting you for Tumblr.
Alf had gotten the keys to Armani’s pen one night in October.
"Arghhh!" he bellowed, fumbling with the chain. He couldn’t find the right key. "Ack!" The trenchcoat was slipping off his back, and he was losing his balance on the groundhog’s shoulders.
Finally, the lock clicked, the bolt rotated, and the door swung open. “Armani,” he whispered."
One of the funniest Hairpin posts I’ve ever read…! Also, seriously, we have a new (anteater) savior.
- Lady 1: [name redacted] has the smallest dick I’ve ever seen on a grown man
- Lady 2: Baby dick!
- Lady 3: I concur!
- Well, it doesn’t seem to be slowing him down any.
Ughhhh I swear I am the worst dancer EVER. (Most of my friends call it “hilarious” but I think they are just being generous and sugarcoating the truth of the matter.)
I sometimes attempt the booty drop but it probably just looks like I’m trying to be sexy while doing squats? Also apparently my “jammin’ to music face” is actually a version of the despised “duck lips” aaaaand basically I just need to stay home, I think."
Reader’s comment on The League of Ordinary Ladies: Jo-SEPH | The Hairpin
This almost made me choke!
I think I saw this exact list in my SPAM folder.
@andrea disaster HA! You know, as soon as I saw the words “SPAM folder”, I immediately thought that it was another word for vagina, like ham wallet, etc. Sorry about that. I felt like I should come clean. And clearly I’ve been on hairpin a little too much these days.
I move to get “SPAM folder” adopted as an official Hairpin colloquialism for vagina!”
LMAO. If I’d been eating something when I read this, it would’ve gone flying out…
OMG… There may be nothing funnier in the world than east coasters in an earthquake.